Mourning.

I've been mourning for the baby I lost. Its hard because I don't have anyone to talk to about it. When it happened my mom tried to talk with me about it but I wasn't ready. Leif has a hard time talking to me about it because he didn't want me to ever go through it. I love him very much. This isn't something I want to discuss on the phone, especially since I get really awkward on the phone. I'd just be super uncomfortable.

I know that it happened for a reason and that God knows. Its just a difficult thing to go through. I knew it would happen eventually, its normal for a woman to have a miscarriage. But I wasn't prepared and I don't think you can be. It hurts when you don't see your baby anymore when you go into the doctor. It hurts when people around you are getting pregnant and get to hear their babies heartbeats. I know that when its time, we'll have another baby. I don't doubt that at all.

I've also learned that amidst death God is still God. And it reminds me that death cannot hold Him. He can take even a situation like this and turn it into good.