Faith.

I'm learning to step out and have faith. To be confident in my Father and His direction in my life.
I think I have been struggling with having confidence in myself because I wasn't putting faith in the one who I follow and depend on.

I'm thankful for the people God has placed in my life to encourage me and be reminders of His grace and love.

I can't begin to count the ways God has blessed my life.

I've been feeling challenged by God. He's been asking me to simply trust Him.  I am going to.

Thoughts on God and the church.

I was thinking about God and His unconditional mercy and love. I was thinking about how He sent His only Son to die for us... He knew that some wouldn't care, someone would deny this free gift, yet He still did it.

I was thinking about how when Jesus came He told everyone to follow two commandments: Love your God, and love your neighbor. This doesn't mean the other 8 don't count, you see, by following those two, you will follow the other 8. (Matthew 22:36-40)

I was thinking about loving God and how I want to obey Him, honor Him, serve Him. Because I love Him. Those things should come easily, not that they are easy. Then I thought about loving others, and I realized that by doing this I will respect them, I won't want to covet things that are theres, nor would I want to steal from them:)

I thought about how so many times in religions they have rituals and rules. Rules and rituals. But Christianity isn't about the rituals, nor is it about the rules. Its about the relationship. I used to roll my eyes at that, but it comes down to our personal relationship with Jesus and our Father.
We were created to be in relationship with God, and instead of forcing us, He has given us the choice.

(I could go into predestination but I won't because its complicated)

What a loving Father to give us a choice. To let us decide if we will follow and serve Him. He loves us so much that He has left this up to us.

And when we do decide to enter into relationship with Him, then He asks us to simply love Him and others.

People assume that Christianity means no smoking, no drinking, no swearing, no dancing... That there are many rules tied in. But those are things the church has attached to Christianity. I'm not saying its okay, but if you struggle with those things, you are still allowed to know God and be part of the Church. I love that everyone is welcome and there is no criteria you need to meet. When God sent Jesus, He sent Him to the Jews and the Gentiles. We are the Gentiles, we got crafted in. Because Jesus was sent for everyone. (John 3:17)

Everyone is welcome in the Church. I'm trying to remember this.

Answered prayers.

After a year of waiting on the Lord to tell me which direction to head... He has answered me. I'm so excited.

I've written about how I've been struggling with homosexuality and understanding it. Well God told me to stop worrying about it and to simply tell those that are homosexuals or struggling, that He loves them. Very much. I was reminded of the scene in Milk where Sean Penn's character tells this boy who wants to kill himself that God loves him. It doesn't matter what his sexual orientation is, God still has love and grace for him.

This doesn't mean I'm supporting homosexuality and saying that God is now okay with it. No, the bible is very clear on the matter, but its also clear about God's love. It has no bounds. And my love shouldn't either. I feel called to do some type of ministry. I'm in the process of researching and just praying a lot. Please keep me in your prayers!

To be a good wife.

Before I was a mother I was a wife. And although I'm a mother now I am still a wife. That is my first priority. Some people put their children first, then their husbands, I put my husband first, then my child.

When I say that it doesn't mean I neglect my child to take care of Leif. No, not at all. But this does mean that my husband does not get ignored nor pushed to the back burner. The one that gets pushed to the back would be me, totally fine. This is not the point of the post though, wither my husband is first or not. The point of this is to explain what being a good wife is, to me.

Now, I want to be the best wife I can be to my husband. When I think of a good wife I think of Provers 31, I think of my mother, I think of women within my church, I think of Leif's mother, I think of my sister in law, and so forth. I think of a woman who is willing to serve, not just willing but with a cheerful heart, with excitment. Serve her Father and her husband. I think of a woman who submits when submission is called for, and with a cheerful heart. I think of a woman who prays constantly for her husband and for her marriage. I think of a woman who puts the time and effort into the marriage because a marriage cannot survive without God, or the effort. Love is helpful but not the only thing that can make a marriage work.

Being a good wife to me means pursuing God with all that I am and giving myself to Him completely before giving myself to my husband. Since I've really begun to live like this, my attitude towards Leif and my role as a wife has changed. For the last month Leif has woken up to breakfast and come home to dinner. Those are things that make him happy. I've been praying with Leif more and trying to encourage him whenever I can. I remind him that I love him and I really make an effort to spend time with just Leif. I've been more patient and understanding. I've been biting my tongue and not talking back when is not needed. I've been attempting to listen more and talk less :) I struggle with that. And I really struggle with having an attitude and God has been thankfully helping me with that.

Leif thanked me the other day and it meant a lot that he had noticed the change. That's encouraging for me. He's such a good husband to me, he deserves so much more. Some days are easier and others are harder. I'm loving the way our marriage has changed and the way God has blessed us. I've always grown closer to God because of this pursuing I've been doing it and its wonderful. He's such a wonderful Father!

Choices.

I called my mom yesterday crying because we got bad news from Leif's job. She told me I had a choice. I could sit and mope or I could decide to let God handle this. I wanted to mope. But she prayed for Leif and I and I changed my mind... I wanted to let God be in control. He's so much better at it than I am.

I woke up with so much peace today. I can't even explain. Yesterday I was consumed by fear and worry, today, its all gone. I know God is good. I also know He is faithful and will take care of us.

Amen.

God is so good.

God is so good.
God is so good.
God is so good.
He's so good to me.

We used to sing that when I was in preschool at Church. I still sing it because while its simple its so true and a wonderful reminder.

Be blessed.

I am Fasting.

I enjoy fasting. It always brings me closer to God and makes my walk with Him so much better.

I do it whenever something begins to take the place of God in my life. When things become idols. I remember when I had to fast from music because it consumed my life the way God was suppose to. Then tv. Then movies. Now my computer and the internet. I've never really fasted from the internet... I've felt like I should for awhile now but I keep finding reasons not to.

I have decided that I need to just do it. I used to live without the internet so why can't I now? It has become an addiction and I don't like that. Its hindering me from pursuing God the way I want to. He has been doing so much in my life that I will share about when I'm done fasting.

I'm not giving myself a time limit. I'm going to do this for however long I need to. God is doing so much in me right now and I'm so willing to do whatever He wants me to do.

I am excited to go back to a simpler way of living. Someone made a comment to me about how that's what I'm all about: doing things in a simple way and keeping things simple. I find the most beauty in the simple parts of life. I'm so excited and ready to learn. This will also force me to call people and write letter. Yes!

Keep me in your prayers please:) God is so good. My fast starts tomorrow!

Passion.

My passion has returned. And I'm praying and asking God to keep it going.

I'm so excited right now. God is so good. My heart is so full.

I'm in love with my Maker in a way I haven't been in months. Almost a year.

He's working in my heart. Changing the way I look at things, especially my relationship with Him.

He's bringing wonderful people in my life and showing me that some people have been here all along.

I'm spending a lot more time praying and reading the word. Reading the word and praying. I'm not getting enough.

Isn't that how it should be though? Never being satisfied with what you learn and with God. I want so much more and I'm diving head first.

It feels amazing and I've missed my Father. Yes, I know I've always loved Him, but our relationship has changed for the better.

I'm pursuing with all my heart and all my strength.

Lately I've been having this deep desire to go deeper into God's word and to spend a lot more time with Him. I'm not getting satisfied. I need more. Constantly.

He's really working in my life, starting with my heart.

I will elaborate on this later:)

Homosexuality and Christianity

I'm really struggling here with knowing how to approach homosexuality from a Christian point of view. I know what the bible tells us, but I'm still confused.

I've been having a hard time with this for awhile now. About a year. I can understand being gay and not knowing God or knowing His word... But what about when you know what the bible says and you know how God feels about it. Will you continue to choose to live in a way that isn't pleasing to God, while serving Him? That confuses me.

Last night one of my best friends came out to Leif and I. We both knew but we wanted to wait to give him the chance to tell us himself. I was relieved when he finally told us. I was proud of him. And I love him even more because of it. Then Leif asked the question I was dying to ask: "well what about God and what the bible says". Our friends response was basically: "The bible says that woman can't do certain things yet we allow them to do it now. So I'm hoping that being gay is along those lines... but I don't think it is".

For me its hard to choose something that would hurt God, on purpose for my own pleasure. I know that being gay is a lot different than choosing to lie or steal. In God's eyes though the sin is equal. I think struggling with homosexuality is a lot harder than most sins.

What I want to know is, will God still let those who live the gay lifestyle but believe in Him, have accepted His son and all, into heaven? But if that's the case then we could all just continue to sin and expect to get into heaven. Because by being gay that's living a sinful lifestyle.

It hurts my heart because I love my friends. I want them to go to heaven. I want them to love and serve God the way He's intended to be loved and served. I'm so torn on what to think. I believe my God is fair and just. I do not believe He is cruel. But sometimes I wonder... And I don't understand why some people must suffer more than others.

Then that brings me back to the whole pre-election debate... Which I would rather not go into.

Please pray for me.

On a happy note now we can be Will & Grace like I've been waiting for:)

Quest: To be a better woman.

So lately I've been praying and spending a lot more time in the word. I'm at a place where I want to be a better woman, one that is of God and serves Him alone. I want to be a better woman because I want to be all that God has for me. I want to be the wife my husband deserves. The mother my daughter deserves. The daughter, sister, friend... That the people in my life deserve. Even the stranger. I'm challenging myself, everyday. I want to be closer to God in every way possible. I want to constantly be in His presence. I want to always be growing and learning.

My first challenge for a month: Finding the blessings in everyday. Thanking God for those and dwelling on His goodness.