I'm counting down the days until we move.
I'm ready.
But I'm not.

I've decided that I will start packing tonight.
Leif and I have been apartment hunting and house hunting. Why is it I could own a house in Oregon but not here in California? Ridiculous.

I really want to be in Oregon. I love the lifestyle and I love the idea of being closer to this lady:



I mean who wouldn't want to gallivant around Seattle with her? You know I'll be spending weekends up there with her and other good friends. I asked her to sing the Train Song cause its a beautiful song, and she recorded this for me right before work. Um, I know I've encouraged people to read her blog, but really, do it! Here. And from there check out her other 7 websites that feature her music and art and loveliness.

To be a good wife.

Before I was a mother I was a wife. And although I'm a mother now I am still a wife. That is my first priority. Some people put their children first, then their husbands, I put my husband first, then my child.

When I say that it doesn't mean I neglect my child to take care of Leif. No, not at all. But this does mean that my husband does not get ignored nor pushed to the back burner. The one that gets pushed to the back would be me, totally fine. This is not the point of the post though, wither my husband is first or not. The point of this is to explain what being a good wife is, to me.

Now, I want to be the best wife I can be to my husband. When I think of a good wife I think of Provers 31, I think of my mother, I think of women within my church, I think of Leif's mother, I think of my sister in law, and so forth. I think of a woman who is willing to serve, not just willing but with a cheerful heart, with excitment. Serve her Father and her husband. I think of a woman who submits when submission is called for, and with a cheerful heart. I think of a woman who prays constantly for her husband and for her marriage. I think of a woman who puts the time and effort into the marriage because a marriage cannot survive without God, or the effort. Love is helpful but not the only thing that can make a marriage work.

Being a good wife to me means pursuing God with all that I am and giving myself to Him completely before giving myself to my husband. Since I've really begun to live like this, my attitude towards Leif and my role as a wife has changed. For the last month Leif has woken up to breakfast and come home to dinner. Those are things that make him happy. I've been praying with Leif more and trying to encourage him whenever I can. I remind him that I love him and I really make an effort to spend time with just Leif. I've been more patient and understanding. I've been biting my tongue and not talking back when is not needed. I've been attempting to listen more and talk less :) I struggle with that. And I really struggle with having an attitude and God has been thankfully helping me with that.

Leif thanked me the other day and it meant a lot that he had noticed the change. That's encouraging for me. He's such a good husband to me, he deserves so much more. Some days are easier and others are harder. I'm loving the way our marriage has changed and the way God has blessed us. I've always grown closer to God because of this pursuing I've been doing it and its wonderful. He's such a wonderful Father!

Another early morning.

Although I've been losing sleep, I've been enjoying my early mornings by myself. Its like a break from life for me. I get to sit and pray, sit and think, sit and pray some more. Mostly pray though. I spend a lot of my time praying. I think its important. I believe in prayer. Its a way for me to speak with my Father openly and honestly. I try to do it through out my day. Its a good reminder that God is always with me, even when I'm changing dirty diapers.

My prayers lately have mostly consisted of me thanking God. I'm in constant amazement of His grace and love. I've also been asking that God gives me patience. Not just with Him and waiting on Him, but with even the little things. Like being patient with Leif. I lose my temper with him a lot. I get impatient with cooking, with cleaning, with driving, with wii... If it doesn't work right away the way I would like then I get upset and frustrated. The same goes for whenever I don't get an answer from God. While I was pregnant I spent many a day on my knees begging God literally to show me what He wanted for me. I never really got an answer. I'm still waiting. I've simply been told that I need to expect great things but to wait. sfdkljsdf;oijkldfgljdfgljdo

Irritating.
I think I see a little progress though. And the praying helps me remain patient. So does reading the word. Which I should do when I finish this.

Finished.

I can't sleep because I have allergies and they like to attack at night:) Although I love my sleep I take this time to blog, catch up on messages and emails, edit photos, research things (especially natural hair) and eat some food. A girl made a comment to me today at a baby shower, that kind of threw me off... I know she meant what she said as a joke but I was still bothered a little. We were talking about being stay-at-home-mothers and she was sharing how she bakes all the time. I don't bake. Nor do I really cook. I also don't do laundry. I clean sometimes though. My husband does the rest. She then proceeded to tell me he's going to wake up a month from now and wonder why he married me. I laughed. But I didn't like what she said. One, is he really? And two, cause it hurt my feelings. I could be a better wife. I know this. I could bake and cook and clean. And I try to. I just like spending my time doing other things, like playing with Riley or playing with my camera.

Her comment got me thinking though, I could try harder. I will. Ah, another challenge for myself! But the real reason I posted this story was because her comment also reminded me that, I am married to a wonderful man. Blessed I am. I don't deserve him yet he's my husband. God loves me. A lot. My marriage is evidence of God and His love for Leif and I.

So here I am writing my husband a letter:) Similar to the ones I used to write when we were apart the summer after we started dating. Why did I stop writing letters to him? Just because we got married? What a terrible and lazy reason. I think that you all should write a letter to someone you love, no matter who it is.

Passion.

My passion has returned. And I'm praying and asking God to keep it going.

I'm so excited right now. God is so good. My heart is so full.

I'm in love with my Maker in a way I haven't been in months. Almost a year.

He's working in my heart. Changing the way I look at things, especially my relationship with Him.

He's bringing wonderful people in my life and showing me that some people have been here all along.

I'm spending a lot more time praying and reading the word. Reading the word and praying. I'm not getting enough.

Isn't that how it should be though? Never being satisfied with what you learn and with God. I want so much more and I'm diving head first.

It feels amazing and I've missed my Father. Yes, I know I've always loved Him, but our relationship has changed for the better.

I'm pursuing with all my heart and all my strength.

Lately I've been having this deep desire to go deeper into God's word and to spend a lot more time with Him. I'm not getting satisfied. I need more. Constantly.

He's really working in my life, starting with my heart.

I will elaborate on this later:)

Quest: To be a better woman.

So lately I've been praying and spending a lot more time in the word. I'm at a place where I want to be a better woman, one that is of God and serves Him alone. I want to be a better woman because I want to be all that God has for me. I want to be the wife my husband deserves. The mother my daughter deserves. The daughter, sister, friend... That the people in my life deserve. Even the stranger. I'm challenging myself, everyday. I want to be closer to God in every way possible. I want to constantly be in His presence. I want to always be growing and learning.

My first challenge for a month: Finding the blessings in everyday. Thanking God for those and dwelling on His goodness.

Metro Trips

So my new favorite thing to do is take the Metro to LA. I think its great fun:)
I've gone twice in the last few weeks. I'm ready for another trip!

I'm in love.

I already think that my daughter is the most beautiful person in the world.
I already love her more than anything.
I already think she's the most perfect thing I've ever seen.

Leif and I made her! How did we make something so wonderful?
God is amazing. We wouldn't have been able to do this without Him.
This whole pregnancy has brought me closer to Him.
Everyday it becomes more real that I'm going to be a mother... Soon I'm going to be raising a child.
I don't want to fail.
I'm anxious, scared, nervous, excited.
I want her to be here right now, but at the same time I want her to take her time.

I can't wait until I hold her for the first time.
I really can't wait until Leif holds her for the first time.

Family Dinner

So two weeks ago we had a family dinner. It was a lot of fun Everyone brought something to share. Leif and I made Chicken Parmesan, while Sarah, Jerelyn and Curtis brought noodles and veggies. Skyler, Kelsey, Jaclyn and Julie all brought dessert. It was great having everyone cooking in the kitchen and contributing. After dinner we sat around outside drinking wine and smoking a bit. (Well I didn't of course...) Then we all ventured out on a walk. I would say the night was really good and everyone enjoyed themselves:)