Homosexuality and Christianity

I'm really struggling here with knowing how to approach homosexuality from a Christian point of view. I know what the bible tells us, but I'm still confused.

I've been having a hard time with this for awhile now. About a year. I can understand being gay and not knowing God or knowing His word... But what about when you know what the bible says and you know how God feels about it. Will you continue to choose to live in a way that isn't pleasing to God, while serving Him? That confuses me.

Last night one of my best friends came out to Leif and I. We both knew but we wanted to wait to give him the chance to tell us himself. I was relieved when he finally told us. I was proud of him. And I love him even more because of it. Then Leif asked the question I was dying to ask: "well what about God and what the bible says". Our friends response was basically: "The bible says that woman can't do certain things yet we allow them to do it now. So I'm hoping that being gay is along those lines... but I don't think it is".

For me its hard to choose something that would hurt God, on purpose for my own pleasure. I know that being gay is a lot different than choosing to lie or steal. In God's eyes though the sin is equal. I think struggling with homosexuality is a lot harder than most sins.

What I want to know is, will God still let those who live the gay lifestyle but believe in Him, have accepted His son and all, into heaven? But if that's the case then we could all just continue to sin and expect to get into heaven. Because by being gay that's living a sinful lifestyle.

It hurts my heart because I love my friends. I want them to go to heaven. I want them to love and serve God the way He's intended to be loved and served. I'm so torn on what to think. I believe my God is fair and just. I do not believe He is cruel. But sometimes I wonder... And I don't understand why some people must suffer more than others.

Then that brings me back to the whole pre-election debate... Which I would rather not go into.

Please pray for me.

On a happy note now we can be Will & Grace like I've been waiting for:)

Twitter

I joined Twitter just so I can stalk Ellen.

Sad.

Photography.

I guess you could say my new and latest hobby is photography. Is that being trendy? I hope not. I feel like I'm like all other stay at home mom's, taking up photography and photographing my kid, and then maybe others? Its also pretty hip amongst the scene I tend to associate myself with. (I cringed when I wrote that... I hate that I'm kind of part of a scene)

But then again, I guess its not a bad trend. Its quite fun actually.

I'm enjoying letting things inspire me then trying to capture it somehow in a photo. Of course I practice on Riley but I don't want to be limited to children photography. Its too... soft... for me. I want to shoot stuff that is... edgier? I don't know. But I'm trying to practice on Leif. And other people I know. Oh and myself.

I don't see this as a career in no way. My heart is in missions and non-profit. Lord willing I'll be able to go into that.

No, I see this as a hobby. Something to do in my spare time, on the side. Something to keep me occupied. Its all for fun. I don't take it seriously. Yes, I am trying to improve, but for my own sake. Not for others. I do not intend on being a photographer and making money off of it. Because really, I suck. I can admit it. I hate hate hate when people suck, yet start a business and somehow make money? Sucking?

I wish I could be as good as Melissa or as creative as Shannon. Or brave and crazy like Megan. Or shoot if I could come close to what a lot of the art majors do... I would be happy, haha! Honestly, I would just shoot with a polaroid camera if the damn company wouldn't go out of business. Or film if it wasn't so expensive. Digital has lots of advantages though...

Really though, I'm content with the work I do. Leif loves it. My mom loves it. My mother in law loves it. That's enough for me:) I'm flattered that my MIL has asked me to take pictures of Gretchen and Maddy, my two sister in laws. I'm excited to cause it'll be fun and I'm coming up with all these great ideas.

So. I'm going to keep being inspired. Keep learning new things. Keep watching my photoshop tutorials. And I'll keep having fun. Cause really that's why I started in the first place.

I wish I had more mommy friends.

I'm not very good at communicating.

I do not return phone calls usually.
It takes me a long time to write back to emails.
I do not respond to letters or cards.

I do not like to make calls.
I do not really write emails.
I no longer write letters or cards.

I used to call people all the time.
I used to write long emails.
I used to send countless letters and cards for fun.

What happened?
Can I change this?
I was thinking about this the other day... The extent of my communication is text messaging.
Maybe that's my problem. I don't think I need to communicate any other way when I could just text.
I don't think text messages are that loving though... Sure they are appreciated, but a letter, or email or phone call means so much more. At least to me.

Some stuff happened to two girls I love very much this past week.
It made me realize I needed to call and show my love.
I made Brittney a package, but have yet to send it.
I will do that this week. I will also include the perfect letter.

My sister and mom send me cards all the time, this month I will send them each a card.

I will also make phone calls. I HATE HATE HATE the phone but I'm going to get over that.

I like how this blog has become a documentation of me changing.

About me?

I like having brown eyes.
I like to wear my jeans with white v-necks and brown sandles.
I also enjoy my TOMs.
Big earrings are my new favorite. But only if they're from World Market or hand-made.
I love World Market. When I get my house everything will come from that store. Actually, I don't need to wait until I have a house.
I also love Trader Joes and Whole Foods. I enjoy being healthy. And natural.
Yet I also enjoy a cigarette here and there.
With a Fat Tire. No hard stuff please.
Champagne is fun to. I'm no lush though.
I like to make my own skin products. I have sensitive skin, and I don't trust a lot of products.
I always grow out my eyebrows then wax them again.
I want to eat oatmeal and cream of wheat everyday. With flaxseed.
I think I'm pretty when I'm by myself but not around other people.
I hate sitting up straight.
I say I don't believe in Karma but I think I just might.
I know I like better music than most people. I dislike people with bad taste in music. I try not to hate but I can't help it...
I love God but I have a lot of questions. I know He's good.
I adore red hair. And freckles. I want Leif and Riley to have freckles. I have a few.
I wear the same things over and over. I like what's familiar.
But I also like to throw in something very un-familiar to throw myself off.

And when I say that I mean I'll throw in anything. I like life to always surprise me.

Yet another challenge.

We moved this weekend. I don't like moving... But that is not the point of this post. 

I was putting away all our books, and I realized that Leif and I used to read a lot.  I guess we didn't read that much while we were dating but before then. We have a lot of books, good books. I miss the reading. I don't know why we ever stopped. We both enjoy it and like being able to discuss what we read. 

I do not want to forget about reading all together just because I am getting older and time is becoming more scarce. I will make time. I can make time. It is not impossible. 

So this has prompted a new challenge. Leif and I are going to read a book every month. Not the same one, different ones. I wish I could say we'll read one every week or every other, but right now I don't think we could swing that. 

Pregnancy Tests.

So I took a pregnancy test tonight. Half of me was hoping it would be positive while the other half of me was PRAYING it would be negative. It was negative. I'm still paranoid though because this time last year I got pregnant. The first time I took the test it was negative then five days later I had a dream as did Leif, that I was pregnant so I took another and voila: It was positive.

Although I want to be pregnant again in a few months, right now is not the time. At least I don't think it is. God might have other plans?

I think its kind of disappointing when you don't get that plus sign or "Pregnant" on the test. Even when you're hoping you're not pregnant, its still kind of a let down. That's kind of how I felt for a minute or two, but then I was relieved:) Hopefully in a few months I'll have a positive test.

I'm just having one of those days...

I want to do the right thing... Which would be the wise thing.

I gave up my car to save money.
I gave up school to save money.
I gave up going out to save money.
I'm giving up my apartment to save money.

YET THERE IS NO MONEY SAVED BECAUSE OF DEBT!
Some days I just don't know what to do.

In the long wrong this is what's best. But today I don't want it to be whats best.


I want to have two cars so I can have a bit more freedom to go places.
I want to go back to school because I want my degree.
I want to go out more often.
I want to stay in my big apartment.

I'm being a bit of a baby I know. But I hate growing up sometimes.

Another Challenge.

I am trying to constantly challenge myself. To be better, to grow, to learn...

Currently I'm challenging myself to dive deeper into the word. To get as much as I can out of it, during each devotion time.

I'm expecting great results:) Lots and lots of growth and wisdom.

I'm coming back...

I'm going to try to write in this blog more often. But in the meantime enjoy my blog, the family one: Green Beans and Little Things.

That's all:)

Another blog!

Leif and I are starting a blog:) We want to document our new lives as parents and being married and other random things we love... I'll still blog here every once in awhile but probably more frequently in the other:

Green Beans and Little Things

Quest: To be a better woman.

So lately I've been praying and spending a lot more time in the word. I'm at a place where I want to be a better woman, one that is of God and serves Him alone. I want to be a better woman because I want to be all that God has for me. I want to be the wife my husband deserves. The mother my daughter deserves. The daughter, sister, friend... That the people in my life deserve. Even the stranger. I'm challenging myself, everyday. I want to be closer to God in every way possible. I want to constantly be in His presence. I want to always be growing and learning.

My first challenge for a month: Finding the blessings in everyday. Thanking God for those and dwelling on His goodness.

37 Days.

My due date is November 22. That is in 37 days. I am counting down. I know I'm excited, but I know I'm also scared. I know I want time to go slow but I know at the same time, I want it to go fast. I know my life is going to change and I think I'm ready but then again, I don't know if I am. Are you ever ready?

I do know though that I can't wait to meet my little girl.

Metro Trips

So my new favorite thing to do is take the Metro to LA. I think its great fun:)
I've gone twice in the last few weeks. I'm ready for another trip!

I'm in love.

I already think that my daughter is the most beautiful person in the world.
I already love her more than anything.
I already think she's the most perfect thing I've ever seen.

Leif and I made her! How did we make something so wonderful?
God is amazing. We wouldn't have been able to do this without Him.
This whole pregnancy has brought me closer to Him.
Everyday it becomes more real that I'm going to be a mother... Soon I'm going to be raising a child.
I don't want to fail.
I'm anxious, scared, nervous, excited.
I want her to be here right now, but at the same time I want her to take her time.

I can't wait until I hold her for the first time.
I really can't wait until Leif holds her for the first time.

Family Dinner

So two weeks ago we had a family dinner. It was a lot of fun Everyone brought something to share. Leif and I made Chicken Parmesan, while Sarah, Jerelyn and Curtis brought noodles and veggies. Skyler, Kelsey, Jaclyn and Julie all brought dessert. It was great having everyone cooking in the kitchen and contributing. After dinner we sat around outside drinking wine and smoking a bit. (Well I didn't of course...) Then we all ventured out on a walk. I would say the night was really good and everyone enjoyed themselves:)

My pregnancy so far...

March 17, 2008. When I first found out.

At 19 weeks in June.

At 23 weeks in July.

At 27 weeks in August.

I would love a change of scenery.

Summer is coming to a close.

And I couldn't be happier. I miss my friends so much. I can't wait until everyone is back in one place.  I'm not too sure how I spent this summer, not really how I planned, but it was good. It wasn't amazing like pasts summers, but it didn't suck either. I wish I could have read a lot more. Or did some art projects. I wish I could have used my longboard. Or at least gone to Venice a few times. Instead I spent a lot of time literally on the floor. With my face down. I've never been so tried or frustrated in my life. I've never been this upset and angry with God. Its weird though because usually when I get to a place like this I want to give up... but I didn't really want to. I want to ride this out. I want to see where God brings me. I would appreciate the answers now though. 

I'm still in this hard place. I honestly don't see a way out. Its discouraging from time to time. Yet, somehow I still have some faith. I'm clinging on to knowing that "God is good. All the time". That gets me through a lot. Constantly reminding myself how good and wonderful He is. I don't know why this is taking so long, and my patience is slowly starting to fade. But I'm comforted by knowing that tomorrow is a new day.