Another blog!

Leif and I are starting a blog:) We want to document our new lives as parents and being married and other random things we love... I'll still blog here every once in awhile but probably more frequently in the other:

Green Beans and Little Things

Quest: To be a better woman.

So lately I've been praying and spending a lot more time in the word. I'm at a place where I want to be a better woman, one that is of God and serves Him alone. I want to be a better woman because I want to be all that God has for me. I want to be the wife my husband deserves. The mother my daughter deserves. The daughter, sister, friend... That the people in my life deserve. Even the stranger. I'm challenging myself, everyday. I want to be closer to God in every way possible. I want to constantly be in His presence. I want to always be growing and learning.

My first challenge for a month: Finding the blessings in everyday. Thanking God for those and dwelling on His goodness.

37 Days.

My due date is November 22. That is in 37 days. I am counting down. I know I'm excited, but I know I'm also scared. I know I want time to go slow but I know at the same time, I want it to go fast. I know my life is going to change and I think I'm ready but then again, I don't know if I am. Are you ever ready?

I do know though that I can't wait to meet my little girl.

Metro Trips

So my new favorite thing to do is take the Metro to LA. I think its great fun:)
I've gone twice in the last few weeks. I'm ready for another trip!

I'm in love.

I already think that my daughter is the most beautiful person in the world.
I already love her more than anything.
I already think she's the most perfect thing I've ever seen.

Leif and I made her! How did we make something so wonderful?
God is amazing. We wouldn't have been able to do this without Him.
This whole pregnancy has brought me closer to Him.
Everyday it becomes more real that I'm going to be a mother... Soon I'm going to be raising a child.
I don't want to fail.
I'm anxious, scared, nervous, excited.
I want her to be here right now, but at the same time I want her to take her time.

I can't wait until I hold her for the first time.
I really can't wait until Leif holds her for the first time.

Family Dinner

So two weeks ago we had a family dinner. It was a lot of fun Everyone brought something to share. Leif and I made Chicken Parmesan, while Sarah, Jerelyn and Curtis brought noodles and veggies. Skyler, Kelsey, Jaclyn and Julie all brought dessert. It was great having everyone cooking in the kitchen and contributing. After dinner we sat around outside drinking wine and smoking a bit. (Well I didn't of course...) Then we all ventured out on a walk. I would say the night was really good and everyone enjoyed themselves:)

My pregnancy so far...

March 17, 2008. When I first found out.

At 19 weeks in June.

At 23 weeks in July.

At 27 weeks in August.

I would love a change of scenery.

Summer is coming to a close.

And I couldn't be happier. I miss my friends so much. I can't wait until everyone is back in one place.  I'm not too sure how I spent this summer, not really how I planned, but it was good. It wasn't amazing like pasts summers, but it didn't suck either. I wish I could have read a lot more. Or did some art projects. I wish I could have used my longboard. Or at least gone to Venice a few times. Instead I spent a lot of time literally on the floor. With my face down. I've never been so tried or frustrated in my life. I've never been this upset and angry with God. Its weird though because usually when I get to a place like this I want to give up... but I didn't really want to. I want to ride this out. I want to see where God brings me. I would appreciate the answers now though. 

I'm still in this hard place. I honestly don't see a way out. Its discouraging from time to time. Yet, somehow I still have some faith. I'm clinging on to knowing that "God is good. All the time". That gets me through a lot. Constantly reminding myself how good and wonderful He is. I don't know why this is taking so long, and my patience is slowly starting to fade. But I'm comforted by knowing that tomorrow is a new day. 

Why I love Buddhists.

Buddhist couple vows to stay within 15 feet of each other...always.

I'm not sure I could do that, but theres something beautiful and pure about what they've decided to do. Last year I visited a Buddhist temple a few times and fell in love. It was so moving to see people enter into the temple with such reverence and respect. The kind I wish I had when I entered a church, a place to worship God. They took it so seriously. They truly believed in Buddha and what he could do for them. It made me stop and wonder why I didn't act like they did when I was at church. I talked to a few Buddhist and their outlook on life was so positive. It hurt because I wanted that but after researching more about the roots of Buddhism it doesn't make sense. But at the same time it does.

Its a very giving, loving, kind religion. It always intrigues me.

This is a writers account of what happened when his wife and him tried what the Buddhist did: Here.

Summertime.

This is going to be a lonely summer. Everyone is heading out, or has headed out. I'm bummed.
I think everyone is going to come back having helped changed the world. And I will have just gained a million pounds.

I think I'm also bummed because I'm reminded how I was suppose to be doing my internship this summer. I'm jealous of everyone that doesn't have obligations back here. I just want to be out there, doing things with my hands, contributing to others. I think though, that I'm more excited for everyone else then sorry for myself...cause its not like having a baby is something tragic. Its actually something pretty amazing. So I guess at the same time I'm really grateful for what God's given me.

Lately I have been reading Psalms over and over. Every time I read it, I learn something new. Today I read out loud to myself. Slowly. I wanted to really listen to the words. After I stood up and couldn't move. I was amazed by God and how wonderful He is.

Thats all.

By the way

Check out this blog:

Face Hunter.

Currently

My life consists of cardigans, scrabble, unfinished books, a journal that needs more words in it...and a little bit of hope. Not much, but just enough I think.


Beauty. I desire it so bad. It's painful how bad I want it. My idea of beauty is a life filled with books, writing, art, music...intellect...Things that truly touch the soul. I'm aching for this kind of beauty. I once wrote a letter, a lovely letter at that. It was the best letter I have ever written. It was pages and pages, quotes and songs, Psalms...It was all about striving for beauty. My favorite quote was "In the woods is perpetual youth" from Emerson's Nature. I wish I could have that letter back.


We have these minds that are such a gift, and all these opportunities to learn more. There is so much I want to learn, so much I want to know. I brought a million books to school to read them and re read them. I want to get through my Shakespeare book, which is probably one of the best gifts I have ever received. I love my book on grammar, but want to study it more. I want to go back to the Buddhist temple and just sit and watch the people praying. I like the peace I felt when I was there. I don't understand why I don't have that peace within a church.


I want to go back to the way I was. I don't want to get too comfortable where I am right now.