Monday, February 07, 2011

Post Partum Depression.

Last week I started therapy and I found out that I was suffering from depression. Something I had thought I might have but wasn't sure.  I realized recently that I have no idea who I am as a person. I've been pregnant and raising babies for the last few years that it became my identity. I'm in this process of figuring out who I am without pregnancy and without a baby thats dependent on me 24/7.  I think thats why I'm almost mourning the fact that my son is no longer a baby... Everyday he becomes more dependent and would rather spend time with his sister than me.  That's also why I think I'm ready to have another baby. 

  I remember looking forward to this time in my life, being able to do things I wasn't able to for two years. Yet, I find myself here and I'm at a loss.  How do you tell your friends and family that you're sad, but you're not sure why you're sad? I have ideas and reasons why I could be sad, but I can't place my finger on it. That's frustrating to me. I'm usually really good with sorting feelings and figuring things like this out. But I've finally reached a point where I'm tired, and I need help from someone.  

 My therapist says that my depression probably stems from the fact that I'm overwhelmed. But then I look at other moms and they don't seem or act overwhelmed and while I know that depression isn't a sign of weakness... I can't help but think I have become weak.  I cannot be weak because I'm a wife, a mother, a best friend, a sister, and a daughter. I have people that count on me constantly for many things and its tiring. I felt as if I had no one to confide in and count on because what I'm carrying is heavy and I don't expect my friends and family to carry that with me. 

  I'm relieved and starting to make changes. My mom knows me so well and mentioned this to me when Beck was born but I didn't listen, because I thought I'd be fine. I'm not fine and I'm okay admitting that :) I remember trying to express to Leif my feelings and knowing he felt that it was partly his fault. Its not. I think its part of life and part of transitioning. I think my personality plays a big part in this to. A few weeks ago I wrote about how I feel everything and I take on everything, this is a result of that.  Before I go on anything my therapist wants to work on coping methods for my anxiety. Starting with exercise. Something I've stopped doing because I've had no motivation to. Which is odd because thats part of who I am.  My therapist has also encouraged me to continue my baking and cooking because it helps with my anxiety.  

  Besides that Leif and I have decided to commit to a church in the area and I've begun doing their Womens Bible Study. Its already impacted me a lot and I'm amazed at what I've been learning these past few weeks!  I'm liking the changes :)

 Phew, I feel good that I've shared this and been vulnerable for a bit.

[this is also why I haven't blogged in awhile!]


Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Beautifully.Conjured.Up said...

Although I don't know what it feels like to be a mother, I know what it feels like to go through depression, and it's not going to happen over night. Take one day at a time, and realize that you're not perfect. I think at times, especially as women, we tend to aspire to be perfect in every way and wish things would go our way...perfectly. However, life is not like that. You're going to make mistaks, and you're going to feel bad at times. It is during those times when your strength is tested the most, and I'm sure you will pass with flying colors :)

Patty said...

Hey Marge,
Praying for you! Thanks for being so open and honest. I hear a lot of women feel like this after having babies. :-) Hang in there!

Gerri said...

Good for you Hon. It is awesome that you sought help. That is always the hard thing for women who do so well doing so much. We don't want to seem vulnerable or needing help. Continue to listen, sounds like you got a therapist that knows a lil' something. Blessings.

Amber said...

I love this post and I love that you are strong enough to share it. You have definitely not become weak and writing this lets others know they are not alone when having feelings like this.

I don't know what it is like to be a mom but I relate to the whole identity crisis. I am in the who am I search as well.

Cooking and baking helps me with anxiety as well. Perhaps we should share some recipes :)

Rania said...

Depression is a sneaky terrible thing. I'm glad you had the right mind to get it diagnosed and are on the road to making things better for yourself and your family.

I don't think it's uncommon for women to get so caught up in mothering that they lose who they are. I did for a while after my second child was born. I also went through a depression but after about a year had to pull myself out of it - went through hell and back. Thankfully you have support in making up for that.

Hope you get better very soon and glad to hear that you're already underway to becoming the old you again.

Mrs. K said...

Thank you for sharing on something that is so private and very important. It is great that you sought help--a sign of bravery and strength. I know that it is difficult to admit very private things to a stranger. I work in the mental health field and this is a common reason why pts don't seek help. I think you are a very strong woman and I pray that God will continue to strengthen and bless you with the wisdom to see how courageous you are.

Mika said...

Thanks for sharing this. As a mom it means so much to read... Im going through the same thing and wrote a short play about it. Perhaps you can read and it will help you in some way.

Anonymous said...


don't think, don't ask yourself, forget your therapist and do anything make happy you.

Life's short, be mamma another time, write on blog, love your love, see the sun, drink water... Everything, simple, if you feel happy, but little things; big things are dreams. Life is so.

Thanks a lot for your attention.

Amy said...

I completely understand what you mean! A lot of women don't even understand that the hormonal changes your body goes through are so drastic that there are only a few ways to help prevent and allieviate the depression. Placenta encapsulation s a huge one after birth. Something I wasnt made aware of until recently. I am pregnant and already have that depressed feeling. It will get better! You are blessed with two amazing babies, and you know that. I will be praying for restoration on your life, and re balance of your hormones. Have you looked into Maca Powder? Helps tremendously with rebalancing out the hormones, and also raw cacao. This too shall pass.....

voguelove said...

Your blog is very interesting! Chanel handbags you like it? Get a girlfriend, she'll love,This is my blog, exchange links with us to make friends

Blessed said...

Hello Margaret I been there, felt the way you do. It is good that you have decided to do something about it like joining a womens study group. Take a old of the hem of His garment. Check out my blog gracegoesfortheheart.blogspto

Lyndzo said...

Wow the courage it takes to express your feelings and put this out there is a big step. Not only does it help for you to write down what your feeling but it helps others to know they are not alone, like me, I am a single mom of two boys and I am feel so encouraged by your words because I feel the same way as you do about alot of lifes challenges we as mothers and women face. Thanks so much for sharing your hardships so others like me can relate.

Anonymous said...

Check it Out^ :)

yipeng said...

If you prefer to generate a keep on, all of the ingenious team speech, or perhaps to leave behind the family unit personal life, memory are built submissions are outstanding. Office 2010 shipped a group of fantastic latest and also upgraded characteristics to help you when to make other folks a superb impact.One example is:
The application of an array of Office office 2010 2010 programs about to help brand new not to mention upgraded imagine touch-ups software. Beautiful aesthetic problems and sophisticated correction, colour together with sawing device will let you correct the artwork throughout Office 2010 forms without the need to work with different graphic cropping and editing systems.
Add and also manage video recording immediately Microsoft Office Standard 2010 with Microsoft windows Power point ? 2010 and Office Standard 2010 beyond. Slash the recording, incorporate the die impact, established the outcome with arrangement, are quite effortless to trigger the toon and also video tutorial, amazing, and each and every moment presented you the best multimedia system experience. Microsoft office 2010

Szasz Sebes Paul said...

Cool post

catherine jaboli said... yourself sorts of relieves you from all the pains you've got inside... its healthy...

123 said...

Especially, discount red bottom shoes going to be the iPad appliance development industry!It fabricated massive profits by developing breath taking applications and again for iPad.The arising trend and traveling to be the iPad aberration accepting said all that prevails louboutin outlet,all of these aswell stands aforementioned red on the bottom of shoes as able bodied as for iPad applications.As,arena amateur red basal shoes,using their a lot of different applications so that you accept alarming adverse reactions,and added generally are anon a fun time to use on traveling to be the appear into acquaintance with in clandestine Therefore,going red bottoms shoes for cheap to be the accretion appeal accepting to do with iPad applications has to be that all about the an all in one connected area there.Marriage commemoration agitate humans if you are a abundant accord way a accomplished lot decidedly appreciably a acceptable accord added arduous colorings this includes inflamed,Yellow hue,Orange additional their bigger added altered kinds artlessly by their shade.

Anonymous said...

[url=]supra shoes[/url]
[url=]chanel nz[/url]
[url=]outlet moncler[/url]
[url=]outlet moncler[/url]
[url=]Moncler Jackets Outlet[/url]
[url=]supra shoes[/url]
[url=]supra shoes[/url]
[url=]supra shoes[/url]
[url=]supra shoes[/url]

Anonymous said...

top [url=]free casino games[/url] coincide the latest [url=]free casino[/url] unshackled no set aside bonus at the foremost [url=]casino

Anonymous said...

[url=]casinos online[/url], also known as accepted casinos or Internet casinos, are online versions of signal ("chunk and mortar") casinos. Online casinos approve gamblers to disport oneself and wager on casino games with the grant-money the Internet.
Online casinos typically command odds and payback percentages that are comparable to land-based casinos. Some online casinos power on higher payback percentages in the use of link automobile games, and some spill the beans the telecast deviant payout concord audits on their websites. Assuming that the online casino is using an correctly programmed indefinitely companions generator, recording games like blackjack gross an established espouse aboard edge. The payout proportion after these games are established at pressing the rules of the game.
Profuse online casinos vindicate to in hire a weight of or widespread their software from companies like Microgaming, Realtime Gaming, Playtech, Worldwide Ploy Technology and CryptoLogic Inc.

Anonymous said...

My brother recommended I might like this website. He
was entirely right. This post truly made my day. You cann't imagine just how much time I had spent for this information! Thanks!

Also visit my webpage: how many calories do you burn walking

Anonymous said...

My brother recommended I might like this website.
He was entirely right. This post truly made my day.
You cann't imagine just how much time I had spent for this information! Thanks!

Take a look at my weblog: how many calories do you burn walking

Adobe Acrobat 9 Download said...

Microsoft Project 2010 Download introduces new features to significantly improve how you manage, schedule, and view your project.
Acrobat 9 Pro helps business and creative professionals communicate and collaborate more effectively and securely with virtually anyone, anywhere. Unify a wide range of content in a single organized PDF Portfolio. Collaborate through electronic document reviews. Create and manage dynamic forms. And help protect sensitive information.

Visio 2010 Download said...

In PWA, tasks cannot be created as fixed work, and project plans created in Microsoft Project Professional 2010 Download that contain fixed work tasks are Read-Only in PWA.
Visio Standard 2010 Download offers modern and intuitive diagramming tools to transform complex ideas into aha moments and get everyone on the same page with less time and effort. A diverse set of pre-drawn shapes, pictures, and templates, and new automatic drawing tools make visualization easier than ever.
Microsoft Visio Professional 2010 Download helps business and creative professionals communicate and collaborate more effectively and securely with virtually anyone, anywhere. Unify a wide range of content in a single organized PDF Portfolio. Collaborate through electronic document reviews. Create and manage dynamic forms. And help protect sensitive information.

Rose said...

We all go through different stages in our lives. And some are just downright difficult when it's easy for others. That's when we think "What the heck is wrong with me!".
Life is full of milestones and they are different for all of us. My suggestion (I'm 55 and two grown children) is quit fighting your feeling and embrace them. It's rather freeing. The 24/7 is gone! Praise God, Now what's next? And there will be a next. So glad to hear you are going to a Bible Study.

can kelebek said...

gebze house-to-house transport and storage gebze branch opened our best and get lucky
Gebze evden eve nakliyat
Gebze evden eve nakliye
Gebze nakliyat
İzmit evden eve
İzmit evden eve nakliyat
Gebze evden eve nakliyat
Çayirova evden eve nakliyat
Gebze nakliyat
Gebze taşıma
Gebze evden eve
Gebze evden eve nakliyat
thank you in advance said...


Gebze nakliyat said...

Offers transportation services from home to home elevator Gebze there are, our company has now opened in Feb çayırova.
Here you get auspicious auspicious to everyone
Our services include:
Gebze evden eve nakliyat
Yahya kaptan evden eve nakliyat
Darıca evden eve nakliyat
Çayirova evden eve nakliyat
Çayirova evden eve nakliye
Gebze evden eve nakliye
Dilovası evden eve nakliyat
Gebze evden eve nakliyat
evden eve nakliyat
Çayırova evden eve nakliyat
Çayırova evden eve nakliyat
They thank you for your time

I saw this one.. said...

Depression is serious, but there really is hope. I'm going through it right now. What I find helps is finding a release, someone to talk to, or anything to get out the anger and hopelessness I feel.