Thursday, June 25, 2009

Mourning.

I've been mourning for the baby I lost. Its hard because I don't have anyone to talk to about it. When it happened my mom tried to talk with me about it but I wasn't ready. Leif has a hard time talking to me about it because he didn't want me to ever go through it. I love him very much. This isn't something I want to discuss on the phone, especially since I get really awkward on the phone. I'd just be super uncomfortable.

I know that it happened for a reason and that God knows. Its just a difficult thing to go through. I knew it would happen eventually, its normal for a woman to have a miscarriage. But I wasn't prepared and I don't think you can be. It hurts when you don't see your baby anymore when you go into the doctor. It hurts when people around you are getting pregnant and get to hear their babies heartbeats. I know that when its time, we'll have another baby. I don't doubt that at all.

I've also learned that amidst death God is still God. And it reminds me that death cannot hold Him. He can take even a situation like this and turn it into good.

6 comments:

Mrs.Zeus said...

I am so sorry about that...
I am not sure how you lost your child and why but I just want to let you know that I sort of went through the same situation. Maybe mine isnt as tragic nor traumatic but just something I can relate to you.

God has plans for all of us, may you continue too all things in His ways.

www.mrszeus.blogspot.com

Moorea Seal said...

Oh beautiful friend, I am praying for you. My grandmother had 8 miscarriages and still births. even a few babies who lived for a day to then die the next. it is so tragic and painful to think of. My mom had 3 miscarriages as well. though I myself do not know the pain to lose a sweet baby of my own, I understand the pain that a family goes through when a highly anticipated member of that family never gets to leave momma's tummy. It is so hard and painful, so confusing. I fear for my future, if i am ever to be a mommy. I am really scared I either wont be able to have babies, or will have to lose one or more, or all. I am very scared. But fear cannot be what holds us back from pursuing truest love from God, even when that love in the form of a baby has the risk of going away before it can be born. God gives and takes away. It is a constant mystery. But his love for you, for the baby, for who and what is alive and what is dead is always powerful, always real, and always constant.
Who can understand death. If it were understandable, then it would be easy to deal with, and life would be less valuable.
I admire you so much my friend. I know that you are probably needing so much strength and love right now. And I am praying it all comes to you in powerful waves. I know God is with you, with your husband and partner for life, with your sweet little girl, with your baby who is now with Him. He is with all that you love, that is in this world and outside of it.
I love you dearly my friend. And your love, your strength, your faithfulness inspires me and reminds me to not let my devotion to God be swayed by fear of death or loss.
Though little sweet baby is gone, its value is in no way taken away. And any babies that will come in the future will not be a replacement or just a number in the line of children. Each is precious and held equal in love by God. and I know that your love for each baby will be just as equal, pure, and sincere as God's own love.
I am SO proud of the woman you are. The woman whose weakness is given to God to be comforted and consoled, only to be returned as beauty and strength.
Let each streak of tear drops be a marker of Gods love written upon your cheek.
<3

Kym said...

I am so sorry for your loss....peace be within you and that your heart heals in time....

Megan Marie said...

I love you.

Gerri said...

Yes, our God is awesome. We don't know why our bodies react they way they do. We don't know why things happen the way they do-only God knows. In 13 years of trying to have a baby, God has blessed me one time with Noah. As, I believe my baby girl is on the way, I also pray for you and send Peace and Love your way.

Old Soul Cirilo Concerns said...

Oh Margaret. I love how you love.
I am so happy you are a woman of faith that say with confidence that there will be beauty from this one day.