Saturday, March 28, 2009

About having mommy friends

I think I've changed my mind about that. Most mothers I've been meeting bore the hell out of me.

Can we please talk about something other than our children? Seriously? I love my baby, I do. And I'm sure you love yours. But really do we need to keep comparing birth stories? And how much are babies weigh and eat? That gets annoying after awhile.

I thought that having a baby would change my relationships and it has. My relationships with friends who don't have children are only getting better.

Currently I'm dreading play dates. Someone prove to me that having mommy friends isn't boring and lame. That we can talk about other things besides our children and being mommy please. I feel like there is more to life...


Yvonne said...

I so get where you are coming from. I have no mommy friends because of the reasons you stated. Seriously, I grew tired of all the 'mom-versations'. I love my kids, but I wanted to talk about other things. Heck, I just yearned for some adult interaction.

I still had 1 mom friend. We did the weekly playdate for about 2 yrs. Once my daughter turned 3yr we realized that she had a learning disablility( late talker). Soon my one and only mom'friends'found herself too busy to hang out or to go on a playdate. Honestly, I wasn't offended and kinda relieved. Our only connection was our kids. That's was it.

I know I'm rambling, but seriously, I get it. Hang on tight to your sister girlfriends because they will be there thru thick or thin.

Keya said...

Yup Yvonne said it right.
I no mommy friends that I hang out with. Haven't done a play date. I hang out with my friends, and only talk about my son if asked. I like having adult conversation without having to gush about my baby all the time. It does get sooooo annoying.

Keya said...

I meant to say I have no mommy friends that I hang out with.

Josiah said...

I'd like to challenge your mommy friends are lame theme for a second. I know I have no experience to back me up here, but just indulge me. Where did you meet these mommy friends? Did you meet them all after becoming a mommy? Or is the strongest bond for your friendship your babies? Then of course that's what you're going to spend all your time talking about, yes?!

Friends that I made in my graduate program spend most of our time talking about school-related things. People I meet at open mic nights, well we drink too much too, but we talk a lot about music. I mean to say that it's not too surprising that the majority of your play date time is spent talking shop in a baby sense.

I have maybe 2 or 3 out of the 15 "friends" in my school program that I talk about life stuff with. I try, but I'll be damned if conversation doesn't devolve into teacher/class gossip/griping 99% of the time. It's hard to bring friendships out of the context for their existence without a lot of time spent and investment put in. Just trying really hard to strike up good conversation hasn't made it work for me. Don't knock mommy friends in particular, they're just like any other interest group, just a little stronger, because mommy love is a little stronger.

Anyhow, you don't have to go to play dates if you don't want to, but don't expect best friends or an unlimited supply of conversation topics overnight...

Oh, and hi!! I'm glad your other friendships are doing well, and I miss your seemingly boundless supply of optimism (even if this blog post was not particularly reflective of it :) ).

Margaret said...

I appreciate these comments!

Gerri said...

I think what happens when we get together as humans, maybe even women, we want to relate to each other. Sharing a common experience such as birth and mothering may be a bit of a natural instinct.

I promise you other conversations will come, but will include-toddlerhood, potty training, the first episode with every illness, the first everything... But, know that many mothers are proud of their and their family's accomplishments. Hang in there girl, and keep a balance of ALL types of friends. ;)

Nikki said...

I get what you're saying, but I have to say that I find my mommy friends invaluable. I know for everyone it's different, but without my mommy friends, I would not have made it this far. I agree with Josiah & Gerri also. It's good to have all types of friends because you need them for different things/reasons.

For me, it's nice to have that feedback or other perspectives on how well I'm doing (or not) trudging down this rocky road of Mommyhood. :))

Megan Marie said...

I really appreciated Josiah's post. It really summed up my feelings in a wonderful way and helped me to understand my own perspective a little better.

What my friends and I did to build deeper relationships is schedule time apart from play dates to get together with a specific purpose in mind. We have a scripture club where we read the word and bring new insights to each other. It could be anything though... a book club, photography group.

Now when we get together with the kids, we can choose mommy mode or pick up our discussion, though our discussions do tend to explore scriptural applications to parenting. I love that though.

Oh yes, and silly girl photoshoots help. The whole reason I started taking glam pictures with my friends is because I noticed that they were starting to forget that it was ok for them to enjoy life beyond kids.