Sunday, March 29, 2009

I can't sleep because I have allergies and they like to attack at night:) Although I love my sleep I take this time to blog, catch up on messages and emails, edit photos, research things (especially natural hair) and eat some food. A girl made a comment to me today at a baby shower, that kind of threw me off... I know she meant what she said as a joke but I was still bothered a little. We were talking about being stay-at-home-mothers and she was sharing how she bakes all the time. I don't bake. Nor do I really cook. I also don't do laundry. I clean sometimes though. My husband does the rest. She then proceeded to tell me he's going to wake up a month from now and wonder why he married me. I laughed. But I didn't like what she said. One, is he really? And two, cause it hurt my feelings. I could be a better wife. I know this. I could bake and cook and clean. And I try to. I just like spending my time doing other things, like playing with Riley or playing with my camera.

Her comment got me thinking though, I could try harder. I will. Ah, another challenge for myself! But the real reason I posted this story was because her comment also reminded me that, I am married to a wonderful man. Blessed I am. I don't deserve him yet he's my husband. God loves me. A lot. My marriage is evidence of God and His love for Leif and I.

So here I am writing my husband a letter:) Similar to the ones I used to write when we were apart the summer after we started dating. Why did I stop writing letters to him? Just because we got married? What a terrible and lazy reason. I think that you all should write a letter to someone you love, no matter who it is.


Gerri said...

Yes, I agree. I will write a letter to my man.

By the way, cook if you want. Bake if you want. Clean if you want. Keep loving your little baby and taking care of your man in other ways. That is what matters. Ask him, If he cares about the housekeeping stuff. If he does, commit to doing one thing extra a week. It's the connection that matters most!

Sorry if I was to preachy. :)

timewilltell said...

Okay, that even hurt MY feelings. :(

I think a lot of women can get caught up in what their "roles" are as wives and mothers... Like, once you get married you have to be Susie Homemaker or else you're crap. It's like when you're married, there's automatically this universal code to follow and you either lose your individuality completely, or find a way to channel it into the way your cookies look when they're done baking. I'm exaggerating a little, but that is pretty close to what I see in people. Personally, I think being a wife means different things for each individual couple. Or, it should be anyway. Otherwise it's like a competition...

Not that I know what I'm talking about. :) I'm just going by what I see! Feel free to chuck this out of the window. ;)

Josiah said...

I agree with the writing the letter part. The role of the wife and whether you live up to it is more convoluted than it should be. Is Leif happy, fulfilled, growing because of being with you? Yes. Vice versa? Yes. Then keep doing what you're doing. Better maybe, but don't feel like you have to fit the role. Fuck that shit. Fuck. That. Shit.

Sorry for the profanity. It was for emphasis. I think you guys are probably kicking ass at being married. This is from my far away vantage point, granted, but still.

You know better than she does how to make things work with you and Leif.

Write the letter though. I had a similar I Want To Go Back To Writing Letters To People I Love realization though. Thank you for reinforcing that.

Nikki said...

Every relationship is different. I'm sure Leif didn't marry you because you were Mrs. Betty Crocker and why should you change who you are? If you WANT to be different, do it. If you don't - then just be you. Because that's who Leif loves. :) You.

Megan Marie said...

I get the feeling that leif married you for so much more than his personal chef. I know what you mean though, because Matt does the majority of our cooking, and then he supports our family on top of that. Sometimes I get down on myself about everything that I am not, then I think of this scripture...

Matthew 10:37 "He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me."

I know that it may seem like a weird scripture to reference in this situation, but I think of it sort-of like seeking after the praises of men. If there are things that I feel God wants me to change, then I should change them, but I can't please everybody, or fit everyone's ideas of perfect. God has a plan for me that will lead me to him, and my path may not be the same as for others of His children, although the destination will be. Plus, God wants us to be happy in our marriages, and if we truly love and want to please Him more than we love and want to please our husbands, our love and ability to please our husbands grows in ways that we never could have imagined.

I think anyway. I hope the woman who said that to you figures out her true self-worth.